Living Joyfully

Helping parents cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in their family.

  • Start Here
  • Deschooling
  • Unschooling
  • Parenting
  • About
  • Contact
  • Podcast
    • Q&A Episodes
    • Ten Questions Episodes
    • Interviews I’ve done …
    • TUC Talks
  • Books
    • Book Clubs
  • Summit
  • Blog
    • Monthly Topics
  • Articles
    • Spanish Translations
  • Resources
You are here: Home / Newsletter Archive / Issue #30

Issue #30


LIVING JOYFULLY NEWSLETTER

Issue #30 | March 4, 2014

FEBRUARY’S THEME: Parenting Challenges

Hi, I hope things are well with you and your family. Sorry I’m a few days late sending this out. February is always a busy month for us, what with two birthdays, and this year was no exception. In fact, with less days, way more snow to shovel, and a weekend karate tournament thrown in, February flew by!

And mixed in there, this month’s topic of parenting challenges gave me some time to think more about the ways we’ve moved through various situations over the years. In the end, it was interesting to see the common thread that wove into all the posts, namely doing my best to understand how situations look from my child’s perspective, without taking their feelings on as my own. In fact, that helps me approach any challenging situation, regardless of the age of those involved. Another example of an unschooling/parenting perspective that meshes quite seamlessly with being human—there isn’t a different way of treating children and adults.

ON THE BLOG …

When You Want to Fix Things for Your Child

When our children are upset about something we want to fix it for them, to help them feel better. But not everything is under our, or their, control. Sometimes we can’t find a satisfying resolution right away, if ever. What happens then? What if our children aren’t responding to our efforts to help them as we hope? What if they discard our suggestions? What if they stay upset or sad or angry longer than we’re comfortable with?

When You and Your Child See Things Differently

Let’s talk about some things parents can do when they see situations differently than their children. Maybe your child wants to go to a movie unsupervised for the first time and you’re uncomfortable, while they’re insistent. Maybe at your child’s weekly activity you have concerns about the behaviour of another child or parent, yet your child is unconcerned—they just don’t see it the way you do. Where do you go from there?

“Im so proud of you!”

To feel proud, pleased, or satisfied with something you’ve accomplished is a wonderful, intrinsic reward for your effort. But to take pride in the result of someone else’s actions or accomplishments seems to send a different message.

LET’S TALK ABOUT … Curious and Engaged

I have finally managed to get the last of my three conference talks from last summer’s HSC Adventures in Homeschooling conference up on my website! I thought I’d share some of the section about living unschooling with our children, challenges and all.

***

So how do you begin to live this learning lifestyle with your children? If you’re newer to unschooling, be sure to note that, as parents, you’ve been in school longer than your children so you most likely have more deschooling to do than they do—that’s the adjustment period as you discover the many pockets of conventional school-think buried in your mind that aren’t supportive of real learning or the development of strong relationships. It’s not enough to just get out of your children’s way: it’s important to actively live with them and cultivate a thriving unschooling environment with your family.

Yet be careful not to imagine a “perfect” unschooling home and then berate yourself when you fall short. That’s a school-ish way to approach a goal. Keep deschooling! Continue exploring unschooling, discovering what unschooling looks like for your children, and in your family. Focus on discovery and learning, not demands and expectations.

It’s not for the faint of heart—it’s an incredibly busy and exciting time. Unschooling children often bounce up in the morning and dash straight to their activity of choice, their boundless energy propelling them through the day, from activity to activity, until they drop with exhaustion. I remember wishing many times that I had their energy! Some evenings I would walk through the house tallying the bursts of imagination and play that had consumed them that day: a tableau of stuffed animals on the couch; a marble maze built in the corner of the play room; a Pokemon battle scene depicted on the kitchen table; swirls of shaving cream drying out on the bathtub walls; video game controllers askew in front of the TV; the dress up box empty and toy swords and crowns strewn around, the detritus of another battle.

Winding down at night, maybe watching a movie or playing a video game, I might start to tidy up. Sometimes they’d help out—more often if I remembered to suggest a small and specific task, “Can you toss the stuffed animals in the bin?” Sometimes I’d tidy up after they fell asleep, surprising them with a fresh canvas when they came down the next morning. Sometimes morning came and the house was just as we left it, and seeing the stuffed animals frozen mid-scene inspired them to pick up their game where they left off. Every day is a new day of fun and exploration for them, even when I sometimes lost track of what day of the week it happened to be.

Childhood play and learning is fascinating. As they reach out into the world so much is new to them! Pirate movies. Bike riding. Pioneer villages. Building toys. Science centres. Water play. Somersaults. Museums with dinosaurs. Fantastical stories with dragons and magic. Baking cookies. Piles of leaves. Board games. Video games. Card games. Dice games. Hide and seek. The questions fly: Why are you doing that? How do you do that? Why does that happen? How does it work? At times you may feel like a walking reference library; other times you seriously consider investing money in your best friend Google. Through their play, children process and explore and connect the new facts and ideas they encounter, learning all the while. They are definitely curious and engaged.

How can you support them? Let their minds roam free—that’s where the best learning is because they will choose to do what their mind is thirsty for in the moment. A thirsty mind is engaged, motivated, and thinking—a sponge. Be their companion in play when asked, or offered and accepted, to support and expand their exploration. Answer their questions earnestly, or look them up, so they never stop asking. Share their excitement and wonder, to stay deeply connected with them. Offer up food and drink regularly to keep them fueled. Share what you know beforehand about the places you go so they begin to understand the world around them. Be patient. And when you’re tired, sit and watch them for a while. Children are pretty awe-inspiring beings.

Alongside all that learning about the world, they are also learning so much about themselves. Their reactions are often visceral—immediate and strong: deep sadness and frustration when things don’t go as envisioned; bursting joy when they do; overflowing anticipation for upcoming events; overwhelming fear of things that scare them. As you are their reliable extra set of hands as they explore the physical world, you’re also their solid anchor as they navigate their emotional world.

How can you support them here? Meet them where they are, emotionally and physically—kneel down to meet them eye-to-eye, or sweep them up in your arms. See the situation through their eyes. Share their excitement and empathize with their challenges. Listen to them, talk with them—either in the moment, or later when things settle, or both. Figure out how you can best help them process their emotions by looking to your child for clues. And don’t assume the process will be the same for all your children. If they’re receptive, point out things you notice that you think might help them make a connection, like “It can be hard to concentrate when you’re tired.”

Be their anchor, their safe place, and build a strong relationship with them. Trust and learning will blossom.

***

If you’d like to read more, you can find the full text of my talk here: Curious and Engaged

LIVING JOYFULLY … with unschooling

Speaking of talks, I’m excited that I’ve been asked to speak at a number of unschooling conferences this year! In the last couple months I’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking about speaking in general and unschooling audiences in particular, wanting the experience to be both enjoyable and informative for the audience.

I’ve spoken at a few conferences over the last few years, and love that they give me the opportunity to write longer pieces, like Curious and Engaged, to examine and tie together unschooling ideas into a bigger picture of connections. Yet in the last year and change I’ve been writing regularly on my blog, giving me an outlet for that passion, so now I’m reconsidering the ways I’d like to connect with others through speaking. It’s such an interesting thing to contemplate—so much learning and growing.

But enough about me! Conferences are a wonderful way to connect with other unschooling families and see them in action. They are also great for learning about unschooling through both the more formal talks and the myriad of conversations that ebb and flow. They can also be a wonderful environment in which to connect deeply with your children, especially the younger ones, with lots of fun activities.

Conferences aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, maybe not even for everyone in your family—over the years, sometimes my whole family attended, sometimes (mostly) not. But they can also be life-changing experiences. If you’re interested to find out more about the ones I’ll be speaking at this year, just click on the links:

Minnesota Always Learning Live Unschooling Symposium
Rochester, Minnesota
May 29 – June 1

We Shine (private event)
Cortland, New York
June 16 – 20

Northeast Unschooling Conference
Wakefield, Massachusetts
August 28 – 31

Un in the Sun—Florida Unschooling Conference
St. Pete Beach, Florida
October 5 – 9

If you and your family choose to attend, I’d love to connect with you! I’ll be hanging around throughout the conferences so please feel free to come up and say hi. 🙂

Wishing you and your family a lovely week.

Pam


The Living Joyfully Network community

The Living Joyfully Network

We bring together unschooling parents to support and learn from each other as we question and explore many of the conventional beliefs around learning and parenting so that we can more gracefully navigate our personal unschooling journeys, develop strong and connected relationships with our children, and cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in our families.

Learn more about the Network here!

free intro to unschooling ebook

Click the book cover to get the book from your favourite online retailer, or click the link below to join my mailing list and download the book directly!

What is Unschooling? A book about living and learning without school.

Exploring Unschooling podcast

click to listen to the archive of all Exploring Unschooling podcast episodes

Choosing to live and learn without school isn’t as intimidating as you might imagine!

The podcast archive is now home to more than 200 episodes, filled with unschooling goodness.

support the podcast on Patreon

Have you read my books?

Free-to-Learn-Cover Free-to-Live-Cover Life-Through-the-Lens-of-Unschooling-Cover Living-Joyfully-with-Unschooling-Box-Set-Cover The Unschooling Journey Libre d'Apprendre cover Libre para Aprender cover Szabadon Tanulni cover

Journey with us to a new way of seeing your child

icon-logo

Join Anne Ohman, Anna Brown, and I in our online Summit where we share the experiences, insights, and tools that we found most helpful on our unschooling journeys. We will walk with you from where you are now, to where you want to be.

Looking for something?

I've been exploring unschooling for many years now and there's a lot of content here! I've been working to tag things to help you more easily find information about the questions you're curious about right now. I'll continue to work on this.

Click a topic to explore:

college

dads

deschooling

food

grown unschoolers

learning

life

math

reading

relationships

relatives

technology

teens

work

Connect with Pam

    Glyph_Logo_png 

Welcome to Living Joyfully

Pam ... an online resource for parents wanting to live joyfully with their children through unschooling. If you're passionate about exploring the world with your children, this site is for you. I'm Pam Laricchia, the author and owner of this site. Thanks for inviting me along on your unschooling journey!

MEET A NEW UNSCHOOLING PARENT EVERY WEEK!

Pam Check out the Exploring Unschooling podcast, with more than 200 episodes in the archive.

SEARCH LIVING JOYFULLY

Living Joyfully participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and the iTunes Affiliate Program. This allows me to earn a small commission, at no cost to you. I appreciate your support!

Read my Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

Copyright © 2021 · Living Joyfully Enterprises

I use cookies to ensure that I give you the best experience on this website. If you continue to use this site, I will assume that you are happy with this. Thank you. OK READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.