Unschooling looks like life.
Like an endlessly unfolding summer vacation, minus the warm weather (unless you live a lot closer to the equator than I do!), but with one big difference: the kids don’t spend it decompressing, burning off steam from months of strict schedules and the stress to perform. And they don’t end up complaining they are bored because someone isn’t telling them what to do. Instead, they are busily pursuing the things that interest them.
In contrast, what does learning look like at school? The vast majority of us parents went to school, so we understand that process quite well: there’s a curriculum that dictates what we learn; a teacher that tries to help us understand it; and a test that determines if we remember it. Repeat that loop over different subjects and many years. It is an exacting process designed to meet its goal: teaching large numbers of students a defined collection of information and skills, within a set number of years.
The big question is: how does pretty picture number one accomplish the learning that so many of us have been taught to think has to look like picture number two?
To answer that, let’s dig into some of the ways unschooling differs from school and why.
(1) No curriculum
Unschoolers don’t buy into the idea that everyone needs to know a generalized (and sometimes out-dated) set of skills and information by a certain age. Understanding that people are unique and will end up doing different things as adults, unschooling parents see it as more effective for their children to focus on learning the things that interest them. Those interesting things have a better chance than a generic curriculum of leading to the skills and information that will support their personal work and life as an adult. It’s what they like to do now, and is likely a step on the path to what they will choose to do in the future. They follow their interests, their curiosity, instead of a curriculum.
What about that certain set of skills and knowledge that is needed to get along in society? Since unschooling kids are living and learning in the real world, interacting with people in their society as they grow up, they will encounter occasions where those basic skills and knowledge come in handy, and they will pick them up then.
(2) Supportive atmosphere
But not following a curriculum doesn’t mean that unschooling parents are doing nothing. Instead, you’ll be replacing it with a supportive learning environment. One based not on an outline, but on your child’s interests. Instead of a teacher dispensing information and directing the children’s activities, unschooling parents are actively supporting their children as they follow their interests. The children’s goal isn’t learning, but doing what’s appealing to them. The really fascinating thing is that when living is the goal, learning is an incidental, yet wonderful and intense, process that happens along the way. *You* are the one who will see the learning, because you are the one looking for it—they are having fun and happen to be learning along the way. And in my experience, they are learning a lot!
Another way the atmosphere differs is that unschooling parents don’t believe children will actively avoid learning unless forced. My experience shows just the opposite! Children are interested in exploring the world around them. Just watch a toddler who has recently learned to walk! That doesn’t change as they get older, unless the adults in their lives take the enjoyment out of it by directing or forcing it.
(3) Focus on aspirations
Schools focus on teaching skills they believe students will need in the future. With unschooling, we pursue our interests and pick up the skills we need to accomplish our goals along the way—both kids and parents! The value isn’t in the skill; it’s in what you can do with it.
And the learning is much better from that perspective as well. Remember how often a teacher told you “you’ll need to know this when you’re older”? At least for me, that wasn’t compelling motivation to invest my time and energy. But what about when you have something you want to accomplish now? That’s when the skill or piece of information has significant meaning. There is a reason to do the work to understand the information or master the skill—you want to learn it so you can continue in pursuit of your goal. There’s also a much better chance you will remember it because it was of value and made a strong connection to your existing knowledge. That’s real learning—learning that is understood and remembered.
(4) Interact with people of all ages
Schools group students together by age—it’s the easiest way to deliver the curriculum sequentially. One downside is that the large number of students per teacher means there aren’t a lot of role models nearby; students learn a lot of their social skills from their age peers, who know as little as they do.
Instead of having their pool of potential friends and acquaintances limited to kids their own age that live in close proximity, unschooling children often have friends with a wide range of ages. But without that ready pool, how do unschoolers find friends? Through their interests. Karate. Building robots. Sports. Art. Video games. A shared interest is a much better basis for a developing friendship than age.
Having friends with a range of ages also gives children opportunities to nurture those that are younger or less experienced, actively play with those with similar interests and skill levels, and learn from those with more experience. Age is just not a defining factor outside the classroom, so neither is it a concern for unschoolers growing up day-to-day in the world.
(5) No vacation from learning
The learning is found in the living. Once your family is enmeshed in unschooling, it’s life. And there’s no need to take a vacation from life. Vacations are about exploring new places and experiencing fresh surroundings; not about escaping from obligations. Come June, my youngest is still asked if he gets the summer off and we just answer “No, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing.” It’s a pretty meaningless concept when life is like summer vacation!
Those are just five of the many ways that unschooling looks different than school. It’s an entirely different way to live and learn! And it’s a lifestyle that not only supports real learning, but also the development of strong family relationships that will last far beyond the kids’ compulsory school years.
Hi! I would like to translate your excellent article in french and publish it on my blog with your permission! I will indicate the link of the original article and the author’s name of course! Please contact me by email if your are interested!
Thank you verry much,
Stephanie
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Stephanie! And sure, I’ll be in touch.
Hi Pam, Hi Stephanie,
I highly appreciate your post, Pam, when I read it yesterday night, before going to bed. I thought about translating it, and I’m glad Stephanie offered to do it !
It it so inspiring that unschooling parents like you, Pam, share their writings with people, and so important for francophone parents to have those in French.
Thanks to both of you ! 🙂
Edith
Thank *you*, Edith, for all your work translating unschooling info around the web to French. 🙂
Wow! This is one of the best explanations of unschooling I’ve read in a long time. We semi unschool only because my teaching background (hard to break old habits) keeps us from totally unschooling even though I see the tremendous benefits of unschooling. Call me crazy. I guess you could say we unschool about 95% of the time. Not too bad.
I have come a long way though and I know I will get there sooner or later. Good thing my daughter arrived long ago!! 🙂
Joyfully,
Jackie, who is semi unschooling her daughter all the way to college.
My Attempt at Blogging
Quaint Scribbles
Thanks, Jackie!
I’m glad it made sense to you. And definitely, most often the kids have a lot less deschooling to do than us! 🙂
Pam, this article, the newsletter, the email primers–they are all so fantastic, warm, and clear. This my 6-year-old son’s second year learning at home, and each member of our family wakes up in the mornings excited to see what the day will bring. Thank you for this lovely resource; I’ll be adding the book to my “unschooling shelf” shortly!
Thank you, Teresa!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying them! I hope you guys have a lovely day. 🙂
I like the ideas you expressed about unschooling. How do you go about registering your children with the education department? ie Qld Australia
I’ve been devouring all of your posts over the past week and have found them so helpful, so thank you! I’m wondering if you may have some insight into something I’ve run into with my 15 year old daughter. By her own choice, she spent several more years in public school than any of my other children, but because of her complete fear of taking the standardized tests, she asked to be homeschooled again. Since last year now, she’s been home again. We started with a very relaxed approach but after I started unschooling her siblings, we tried the same with her. I looked at this time as a deschooling period for her, and she spent most of her time watching anime, drawing, and watching Supernatural marathons. After a while, however, she approached me and asked me to begin giving her a daily schedule complete with assignments because she felt like she wasn’t doing anything. Since unschooling is about her choice, I did as she asked. This year her siblings are completely immersed in natural learning while she is still stuck in “school mode.” I understand that some people prefer this type of learning, and I have no problem with that, as I’m rather bookish myself, but I don’t feel that’s why she’s doing it. She’s admitted to me several times that she learns more on tumblr than from her books, but she is insistent upon this schoolish approach. Each night she asks for help with her advanced algebra, which I do to the best of my ability, but it’s clear that she has no interest in learning it. As I’m explaining things she’s either drawing or playing with the cat and hasn’t learned much of any algebra at all. It makes me sad that she feels she has to do this. I’ve often told her that, of all the kids, she has the most interests and is amazing at her persistence in pursuing them. But, again, she feels like she still has to do school at home or she’s not doing anything of value. Do you have any advice or thoughts on how I can help her escape this narrow view of learning?
Thanks, Shelly, I’m glad you’re finding my posts helpful. 🙂
And you’re right, it can definitely be challenging for older children to move unschooling because they have absorbed more of the conventional messages about education and learning. In that case, it can help to take a more active role in helping them build trust in unschooling.
It’s so different than what she has known up to now. You can do things like taking a moment to mention specific things you see her picking up day-to-day i.e. learning she’s doing through living. You can share your observations about your learning experiences. The knowledge and skills you use day-today, did you learn them in school? Are there things you learned in school that you never used after graduation? How do you like to learn? Does it look like classroom learning?
Not things to be used as “proof” in a big conversation about unschooling, but observations you share as connected moments arise. Your goal isn’t to convince her that “unschooling is awesome,” but to support her as she figures out what real learning looks like *to her.* And by sharing your thoughts, you’re giving her more fodder to make her own connections.
I think the paradigm of someone else knowing what we should learn and how we should learn it, gets ingrained deeply enough that even when it’s something we want to learn, that’s the first, and often only, process our mind leaps to when we want to learn something new. I’m not sure if you’ve come across this post yet, but it might help to read it with an eye to your daughter’s perspective: http://livingjoyfully.ca/2012/10/do-classes-hinder-deschooling/
Another suggestion would be to make an extra effort right now to keep her actively engaged in her interests—but specifically in ways that aren’t organized to look like school. Help her discover and explore *other* ways to learn things—they don’t come natural to her because they aren’t in her realm of experience. Chat with her about what she’s learning in both situations: the curriculum-type learning and the less structured activities. More pieces of information for her to ponder.
And chat with her about her interests in depth so she can see what she’s learned. For example, I love Supernatural too! What does *she* love about it? Is it the mythology behind the monsters of the week? The brothers’ relationship? The car? LOL! Talking in depth about that stuff helps her (and you) see what she’s getting from the experience. What she’s learning. 🙂
If she actively has fun *living* for a good chunk of months, chances are she’ll start to see the learning she’s done over that time—when you look at a day, it looks like “I didn’t do any learning,” but if you look back over six months or a year, you realize you’ve picked up knowledge and skills you didn’t have before.
Have fun!
Thanks for responding. I actually have had many conversations with her about the things I remember from school. As a gifted student, I was very good at cramming for tests, but I soon forgot what I was taught after I no longer needed it. We just discussed the other day how the only three subjects that had any impact on me- English, mythology, and parenting- are areas which are still useful and interesting to me today. I still love to write (English), I enjoy reading or watching anything to do with mythology (I’m watching Clash of the Titans as I write this), and I have eleven kids (parenting class was obviously a plus).
And we do watch Supernatural together. We’ve had so many talks about how Sam and Dean interact, and I’ve also critiqued its accuracy against my Christian beliefs. (“It’s just a show, Mom!”):)
You’ve really helped me to be more confident that I am planting the seed- and that’s all I really can do right now.
Writing this has helped me to see, though, that she is slowly transitioning. She’s gone from a typical school at home curriculum last year to one more tailored to her interests and even decided to drop the art curriculum (after I told her it really wasn’t necessary because she’s drawing and painting all the time anyway), astronomy (because the text was just plain boring and she said she could learn more off the internet), and language arts (because that’s easily incorporated with her other interests). So right now she’s only using curriculum for logic, psychology, and that dreaded advanced algebra. Small steps. Deep breath.
Those are all great observations, Shelly!
It really does take patience and time. Looking back over months helps us see the seeds that have taken root, and the connections that thread through their choices.
Deep breaths are great to help with that. 🙂