Living Joyfully

Helping parents cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in their family.

  • Start Here
  • Deschooling
  • Unschooling
  • Parenting
  • About
  • Contact
  • Podcast
    • Q&A Episodes
    • Ten Questions Episodes
    • Interviews I’ve done …
    • TUC Talks
  • Books
    • Book Clubs
  • Summit
  • Blog
    • Monthly Topics
  • Articles
    • Spanish Translations
  • Resources
You are here: Home / Living / A Bigger Picture: The Transition From Childhood to Adolescence

A Bigger Picture: The Transition From Childhood to Adolescence

May 30, 2013 By Pam Laricchia 3 Comments

This month we’ve been traversing the kid years, from attachment parenting to transitioning to school age, from not losing yourself while mothering to what unschooling days might look like. This week, let’s look at the transition into the teen years. The timing of this transition is not the same for all children, though typically it’s somewhere in the range of eight to twelve years old. There are lots of factors that can influence this, from their own personality and emotional growth patterns, to having older siblings (introducing teen topics into the family earlier), to the age of those whose company the child naturally enjoys, to the physical onset of puberty.

Regardless of their age, it’s a time when an unschooling child may be feeling unsettled and introspective as they ponder the transition from child to teen. They may find their enthusiasm for childhood loves waning, while at the same time still be casting about for new passions to catch their interest. A time of flux. It’s also a time when the child’s perspective grows to encompass more of the world and they begin to contemplate their place in it, often with broadening social interests and needs.

This transition can be a bit unsettling for parents too. They have watched their child devour information over the past few years, their seemingly insatiable learning pretty transparent: as I described last week, the evidence is often all over the house! Even if they aren’t learning the same things as conventionally schooled children, the learning is obvious and parents have probably developed a pretty comfortable routine of support: they’re quite adept at finding supplies to support their child’s ongoing interests; they have sources for finding new things they might enjoy; and the family has favourite places to visit regularly, like parks or museums or the store at the science centre. Yet now they’re discovering that this routine is losing its lustre for their child.

The conventional description of this transition time, nowadays called “tween” (an amalgamation of “in-between” and “teen”, because humans like to label things), is that they are too old for kids stuff and too young for teen stuff. But with unschooling we don’t really make age-related declarations. We don’t define things as “too young” or “too old”, instead we support our child’s exploration—they are where they are. I’m also not a big fan of the way the term “tween” is bandied about in relation to stuff, what they’ll like and not like, because it seems to diminish the real work they are doing. They are honing their sense of self, contemplating the kind of person they want to be, nurturing dreams of the future and wondering how they might find their niche in the adult world. It’s no longer mostly about the facts of the world and clear distinctions—right/wrong, yes/no—but increasingly about their emotional development and growth. They begin to explore moral questions, develop empathy; in general, seeing a bigger picture of the world.

It’s also a time when they may become interested in exploring that world more on their own. If that’s the case, help them find ways they can test the edges of their comfort zone while still having a backup plan that gives you both a measure of reassurance. Going to a movie on their own or with friends. Hanging on their own in town for a couple hours. A hike in the park. Visiting out-of-town friends for a few days. Help them find ways to explore their budding independence, maybe with a cell phone in tow, just in case plans change on the fly. And don’t be surprised if this skirts your comfort zones as well. Your child is growing up! But remember, you’re also growing and learning alongside them. Work through it together.

You can take the same tack if their interest in exploring social relationships or group activities grows: help them find good matches and support their drive for more independence. Another striking development is that conversations will become even more interesting as their analysis of situations expands and they incorporate more of the perspective of others. Their ideas will be more all-encompassing, branching out in new and fascinating directions.

What if they become drawn to quieter activities during this time? In my experience, ages eight to nine stand out as a time when some unschooling parents notice their boys become more withdrawn and contemplative. That’s cool too! Everyone will have their own ways of processing and learning and growing. In this case, I would remind you to check in with them regularly—find time to sit with them while they are doing their thing, maybe sharing their shows, or their game, or their books, leaving a relaxed and easy opening for conversation if they’re interested. It can be tempting to just leave them be, especially if you are busy meeting the needs of younger siblings, but it’s important to keep your connection with them strong, even as it begins to look different.

And really, what’s important no matter which path they take through this time, nor how often they choose to switch it up, is to keep your relationship connected and strong. Be sure to listen to them whenever they want to talk, or bat ideas around with them if that’s what they like. Or even just be with them, in the stillness and quiet. It lets them truly know you are there whenever they need you. It gives them the time and space to choose to open up conversations, or to sink into the comfort of your company. Remember, you’re supporting them as they explore their expanding world, and their expanding selves—as they live their life.

Filed Under: Living, Parenting, Unschooling Tagged With: May 2013, relationships

Comments

  1. Evangeline says

    June 11, 2013 at 12:10 am

    Very insightful and helpful article!

    Reply
  2. Shelley says

    June 27, 2013 at 8:27 am

    “… sink into the comfort of your company.”

    Loved the way you put it. Thanks for all your wonderful articles!

    Reply
    • Pam Laricchia says

      June 27, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      You’re welcome, Shelley! Glad you’re enjoying them. 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Living Joyfully Network community

The Living Joyfully Network

We bring together unschooling parents to support and learn from each other as we question and explore many of the conventional beliefs around learning and parenting so that we can more gracefully navigate our personal unschooling journeys, develop strong and connected relationships with our children, and cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in our families.

Learn more about the Network here!

free intro to unschooling ebook

Click the book cover to get the book from your favourite online retailer, or click the link below to join my mailing list and download the book directly!

What is Unschooling? A book about living and learning without school.

Exploring Unschooling podcast

click to listen to the archive of all Exploring Unschooling podcast episodes

Choosing to live and learn without school isn’t as intimidating as you might imagine!

The podcast archive is now home to more than 200 episodes, filled with unschooling goodness.

support the podcast on Patreon

Have you read my books?

Free-to-Learn-Cover Free-to-Live-Cover Life-Through-the-Lens-of-Unschooling-Cover Living-Joyfully-with-Unschooling-Box-Set-Cover The Unschooling Journey Libre d'Apprendre cover Libre para Aprender cover Szabadon Tanulni cover

Journey with us to a new way of seeing your child

icon-logo

Join Anne Ohman, Anna Brown, and I in our online Summit where we share the experiences, insights, and tools that we found most helpful on our unschooling journeys. We will walk with you from where you are now, to where you want to be.

Looking for something?

I've been exploring unschooling for many years now and there's a lot of content here! I've been working to tag things to help you more easily find information about the questions you're curious about right now. I'll continue to work on this.

Click a topic to explore:

college

dads

deschooling

food

grown unschoolers

learning

life

math

reading

relationships

relatives

technology

teens

work

Connect with Pam

    Glyph_Logo_png 

Welcome to Living Joyfully

Pam ... an online resource for parents wanting to live joyfully with their children through unschooling. If you're passionate about exploring the world with your children, this site is for you. I'm Pam Laricchia, the author and owner of this site. Thanks for inviting me along on your unschooling journey!

MEET A NEW UNSCHOOLING PARENT EVERY WEEK!

Pam Check out the Exploring Unschooling podcast, with more than 200 episodes in the archive.

SEARCH LIVING JOYFULLY

Living Joyfully participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and the iTunes Affiliate Program. This allows me to earn a small commission, at no cost to you. I appreciate your support!

Read my Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

Copyright © 2021 · Living Joyfully Enterprises

I use cookies to ensure that I give you the best experience on this website. If you continue to use this site, I will assume that you are happy with this. Thank you. OK READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.