You’re feeling an incredible swirl of both excitement and trepidation: you’ve decided to try unschooling! You understand that you, and anyone else in your family who has been in school, will be deschooling for a while.
But without school, what will you actually do all day??
Great question! And now we have some seriously fun stuff to talk about!
A Season of Saturdays
To help get you in a relaxed and open mindset (better for your learning!), try thinking of your days over the next while as a season of Saturdays. If you find yourself waking up and thinking, “It’s Monday, time to get back to work and learning,” try to catch yourself before you put that filter firmly in place: “Oops, I forgot, it’s Saturday!”
What would you do with your children if it was Saturday? Weekends are typically a time to relax and follow the flow of the day rather than an imposed schedule. Would your kids enjoy sleeping in? What a wonderful part of the transition away from imposed schedules: sleeping as much as their bodies would like. Or are they early risers? Now they can savour the beauty of early morning without the pressure of getting dressed, fed, and out the door. Or are they a mishmash of both? Now they can learn about themselves, discovering their own unique patterns for sleep, figuring out how to better support their own needs.
Are there places you and your kids have always wanted to visit (or visit more often) but you haven’t had the time? Now you do! The museum? The science centre? The art gallery? Cool! But remember, you don’t need to lead your children through them, making sure they see all the exhibits. (If you’re tempted, take a moment to think about what it really means to “get your money’s worth”—is it quantity or quality?) Instead, follow their curiosity. Look at the map with them, chat about what they’d like to see and do, let them navigate you guys around—if they want to. If they are engaged and excited at a particular exhibit, let them stay as long as they want. (Hint: the best learning is happening there!) If you only hit three exhibits that day, great! It’s not a competition. If you breeze through them all in a couple of hours, that’s fine too! You hit breadth instead of depth. Both are perfectly appropriate: you are following their interests, seeing their minds in action. For me, the fun over time is in seeing how each visit is uniquely its own. And as I got to know my kids better, I started seeing connections between how a visit played out and the other things that were happening in their lives. It’s all connected. It’s all learning.
How about something a bit closer to home? What about playgrounds? Maybe explore a different one in your town each week. Hiking trails? You can go every week or two and see how things change as spring arrives, or fall. Or rainy season. Find the things that catch your children’s attention and follow up over time. Would they like to try bowling? Or laser tag? Or trampoline? The bonus is that family places are much less busy during the week—most of the kids are in school! We even scheduled our vacations in the off season: lower cost and less crowded.
If you live in the city, take trips beyond the suburbs and explore farms and parks. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride. Visit a pumpkin patch in October. If you live rurally, take trips into the city and explore the attractions. Walk the streets and admire the tall buildings. Take a subway ride. Explore the world around you, not just the one outside your door.
Tired yet? Haha! I have given you a pretty wide range of ideas to help kick start some conversations with your kids, and I’m sure you guys will come up with many more! (Another great thing to do with your kids now that they’re home: talk.) It’s pretty unlikely that they are going to be interested in all of these things—certainly not all at once. But don’t be stressed if your children aren’t interested in even a handful of them. We’re all uniquely ourselves—find out what your kids are interested in.
Meet Your Kids
That leads nicely into this really important piece of the deschooling journey: getting to know your children. Understanding them is the foundation from which you will explore the world together. What are they doing when you see their faces light up? What do they ask to do regularly? What new things would they would like to try? What brings them joy? What engages them so completely that they don’t notice time passing? Do those things often.
Bring in related things you think they might also enjoy. If they like Spongebob, would they like to do a puzzle depicting a scene from the show? Or if they like a certain movie, might they enjoy watching the gag reel or the short making of documentary on the DVD? You don’t necessarily need to ask them, just let them know it exists and see if they are drawn to it. Just be careful that these are things you think they will enjoy, not things you wish they would enjoy. (Like that Spongebob math workbook you were eyeing at the supermarket—keep deschooling!) And if they aren’t drawn to something you give to or show them, don’t fret—you’ve just learned something new about them. Maybe your guess was off a bit for now, or maybe they were busy and it will catch their attention next week, or next month, or next year. Their world is still a bit bigger because now they know that such a thing exists.
And don’t forget about home—life can be fun and interesting there too! What do your children enjoy doing in their PJs? Board games? Card games? Twister? Red light, green light? Colouring books? Crafts? Puzzles? Building forts with couch cushions and blankets? Carving snow sculptures after the big storm? Playing catch? Hula hooping? Making their own playdoh? Kicking a ball around outside? Frisbee? Reading stories together? Playing hide and seek? Tent in the backyard? Watching movies? YouTube videos? Somersaults and handstands? Playing video games? Online games? Baking cookies? Acting out TV shows? How could I forget Lego and K’Nex and Duplo? The possibilities are vast.
Whatever they enjoy, do those things with them. Bring bits of the world to them that you think they’d find interesting.
Remember, it’s Saturday! Relax and enjoy your time together. 🙂
How Do You Learn?
I remember when my daughter’s preteen friends would comment to her about how boring her life must be without school. What do you think? Does it sound like life without school will inevitably be boring? I don’t think so!
As you dive into all this fun living (and learning!) with your family, don’t forget to take some time yourself to continue learning about unschooling. The challenge at this point is probably that you’re feeling overwhelmed! There is so much information coming from so many places:
- observing and engaging with your kids;
- contemplating memories dredged up from your school career;
- reading more and more about unschooling and parenting that supports that lifestyle;
- hanging out with like-minded people to see how they approach things;
- philosophical meanderings about how you want to live your life; and
- questioning, well, everything!
How are you going to connect it altogether to paint yourself a cohesive picture of unschooling?
Well, how do you like to learn?
Do you learn things more effectively through writing? Like to journal? You can pick out a beautiful notebook (or decorate one yourself if you feel so inclined) and fill it with observations and thoughts and ideas as your family moves through deschooling. Or maybe you’d like to create a blog, either a private one for your family’s eyes only, or a public one where you share the ups and downs of your journey with others.
Or do you like to process information more visually? Like taking pictures? You can create photo essays, grouping them through the threads you see in the images. Or maybe a photo blog if you would like to share with others.
Or do you lean toward verbal processing, enjoying conversations with others on the same journey? You can find local unschoolers and meet up to chat at park days or coffee nights, you can attend an unschooling conference or gathering (there are more and more of them!), or you might approach some unschoolers you’ve met online and see if they are interested in chatting by phone or skype.
Or maybe it’s an eclectic mix of all of these, but figuring out how you like to learn is a worthwhile step in deschooling. It helps you discover the vast array of ways that people learn outside school, opening you up to all the ways you might support your children’s exploration and learning.
And that’s where the real fun of unschooling is. 🙂
This is my favorite post yet! I am boookmarking this not revisit not only for thoughts about deschooling, but also as a post full of ideas and perspective-shifts for those occasional unschooling slumps when nothing seems to be working the way it *should* be. I especially love the mentioning of how many things that don’t seem “worthwhile” really, truly are.
Pam: I just want to know…were you reading my mind? It’s our third year homeschooling and feeling this unavoidable truth that we are missing the mark. All good intentions upon homeschooling. BUT…got caught up in the how to’s and the hurry ups..that joy is no where to be found on most days….so sad…admitting this isn’t all we thought it would be and not sure what to do about it..learning about unschooling and Sandra Dodd and John Holt. getting excited to make the change and gearing up to do it by the end of the year. YOU HIT SO MANY nails on the head. I am so excited, scared, nervous, eager, and hesitant….(everything that a woman can be I guess) BUT…more than anything..I LONG FOR JOY…and seeing the wonder in my daughter and myself. Not sure I’ve ever really seen any in myself. BUT have a feeling I will see it through this journey. Counting on standing on the shoulders of giants that went before me. THANK YOU…I will stay close to you and count on your guidance and trust your experience.
Hi, Julie!
It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of expectations, isn’t it? It’s great that you acknowledged your discomfort and saw it as a clue to reboot. I hope things are looking up this new year! Remember, don’t just wait for the joy to appear, actively cultivate it.
And it’s wonderfully okay to start all over again! Take the pressure off and have fun getting to know your daughter more deeply. Do things she loves, and things you both enjoy. Do them with your full attention. There’s where the joy—and the learning—is. 🙂
Have fun!
(Sorry it took me a while to reply—my comment notification email ended up in my spam folder. Fixed it up now.)
Thanks so much, Teresa! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Writing it was a nice reminder for me too. 🙂
Thank you so much for this!
I’m deschooling together with my 9 year old son. We just started “home-education” after years of (waldorf) school.
But it is difficult to have saturdays because my 6 year old daughter is still going to school.
We live in the Netherlands and it is impossible to get her out of school right now, she is enjoying in though, but we don’t realy have a lot of saturdays.
Trying to make our days as lazy as we can we are doing a lot of field trips (my son loves climbing trees) , museum and library visits, going to the petting zoo and so on.
Why do posts like this always make me cry!?!?
My children are 6, 3 and 2 the eldest is in primary school and the middle child is in preschool. I am so desperate to Home Educate my brood and this post really touched a nerve…
I cannot take them out of school just yet as we’re moving soon and my hubby has refused to entertain the idea until we’re settled.
I love this post!!
Thank you xxxx
I am SO thankful for everything you’ve put out here, Pam! I haven’t stumbled onto (okay, diligently searched out) any blog or website regarding unschooling like yours that hits SO close to home–my home, that is 🙂 You seem to have such a keen sense of reality mixed with the perfect amount of heart for all of this. Your words of advice are a beacon of light for my clouded head in all the decisions I am responsible for. Thank you!
Thanks so much, Heather!
I’m really happy to hear that my writing has resonated deeply with you! 🙂
And I’m sorry it took me a while to reply—my comment notification emails ended up in my spam folder for a bit. I’ve fixed it up now.
Hi Pam! I am enjoying going through your website and learning more. My daughter isn’t of ‘school age’ yet but I’m actively seeking info on all types of education. Unschooling resonates with me more than any other, I love the thought of child-lead learning and staying away from ‘normal’ schooling (spiritual choice). I am wanting to know how to start my children from the get-go. She’s 2 & half at the moment. I read elsewhere about unschoolers trying school first.. I’m not sure if I want to do that.
Thank you x
Hi Amanda!
So cool that you’re learning about unschooling before your child reaches school age. My kids went to school first, but I didn’t know of unschooling, or even homeschooling, at the time.
I can’t imagine any unschooling-related reason why they should try school first. If you’re interested in unschooling, life can flow right into that. Have you come across this post? Attachment Parenting Flows Into Unschooling:
http://livingjoyfully.ca/2013/05/attachment-parenting/
My Exploring Unschooling intro email series also walks through unschooling and how it weaves into our lives. If you’re interested, you can sign up here:
http://livingjoyfully.ca/newsletter/
Have fun learning about unschooling!
I am in my 2nd year of homeschooling. I can’t fight the feeling that I need to try something different. I have to admit I struggle with some of the things you mentioned. Like the “It’s Monday, time to get back to work and learning.” I find it very difficult to not rely on text and workbooks, but feel that change is needed. My issue with this is that I have a high schooler (will have 2 in the fall). How can I make unschooling work for high school aged kids? I would love some insight!
Hi Sarah,
The principles are really the same; the activities probably just look different with older kids. What brings them joy? Help them do lots of that. What things do you like to do together? Do that stuff too.
For example, a couple days ago I took my 17yo to a parkour event in the city about an hour away. It was a few hours at a gym and then a documentary screening. He and his friend had a great time, I learned more about it as a sport, and I really enjoyed listening to the filmmakers speak. It’s another connection we have.
And beyond doing things, whenever they want to talk, make the time to listen right then. And really listen, rather than waiting for an opening to add your thoughts. Right now it’s their thoughts that are important—they are sorting them out. It’s also a great way to get to know them better: their thoughts, ideas, dreams, interests, sense of humour etc.
After a few months of helping them do whatever things they want to do, of sharing things with them you think they’ll find interesting (not things you wish they’d find interesting), of chatting and laughing and having fun, I bet when you look back you’ll see the learning they’ve done alongside it all. It won’t look like textbooks, but it will be so meaningful to them and their lives. 🙂
Have fun!
We are in our 5th month of deschooling and loving it while also being overwhelmed,baffled and thrilled!..my 9 year old has always devoured books and now that she doesnt have school in her way this has got even bigger…she does often tell me about what shes reading and spontaneously shares funny bits with me but at times i feel outside of her experience and that iam butting in (tho she doesnt easily hear any outside noise when in a book)
when i offer other activities/trips/games she mostly prefers to stick with her stories.
I share her love of reading and am myself currently devouring books and blogs on unschooling so we are often side by side in our own worlds…i often read that when kids reach a place of boredom that is when their curiosity returns and i guess i wonder if she is ever going to get bored as long as we get to the library each week and she stocks up!..i know this is a great love that she is following and its probably just part of my own deschooling to trust that and not worry about only doing this one thing…?!
Sorry that it’s taken me a bit to reply, Lisa! I remember growing up when my parents would try to shoo me away from my books and outside to play. 🙂
I think you’re right, that this discomfort is part of your own deschooling process. It’s not just that she’s “reading books,” but look at the kinds of books she’s reading, what she’s enjoying about them, what next book she’s drawn to etc. That will help you learn more about her, and the details about what she’s learning. And I bet you’ll get to a place where you see her whole world opening up, even while she’s “just” reading.
Have fun with it!
I’m struggling with the idea of “playing” all day with the kids while my husband is out working. It makes me a little sad that I get to have all these memory-making fun times with the kids while he is working.