Living Joyfully

Helping parents cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in their family.

  • Start Here
  • Deschooling
  • Unschooling
  • Parenting
  • About
  • Contact
  • Podcast
    • Q&A Episodes
    • Ten Questions Episodes
    • Interviews I’ve done …
    • TUC Talks
  • Books
    • Book Clubs
  • Summit
  • Blog
    • Monthly Topics
  • Articles
    • Spanish Translations
  • Resources
You are here: Home / Hero's Journey / The Ultimate Boon: Unschooling with Confidence and Grace

The Ultimate Boon: Unschooling with Confidence and Grace

April 21, 2015 By Pam Laricchia 2 Comments

Princess Alyssabeth's Belated Birthday, Lissy Elle
Princess Alyssabeth’s Belated Birthday, Lissy Elle

We made it! We have achieved the goal of our quest, the ultimate boon: we are unschooling. Our relationships with our children are strong and connected and we are confidently living and learning together as a family. We are enjoying life, with its ups and down and twists and turns.

This moment isn’t lit up on a marquee or marked by thunderous applause. And funny, we no longer wish for that either. We’ve come to appreciate the amazing beauty of the simplest moments: cuddled with your child on the couch watching a favourite movie; walking in the park, your kids darting from flower to flower, handing you this stick and that rock to add to their collection; watching your child enthusiastically turn on the water to show you how it flows over the complicated contraption of pots and plates they built in the sink; laying in bed together, reading a story out loud to your child as their eyes blink heavily. These moments bring us deep joy and contentment. We know the power they hold.

Our shift from deschooling to unschooling isn’t a finish line we’ve made a beeline for, but more of a dawning realization that happens after we’ve crossed into this new realm: “Ahh, we’re unschooling.”

In this chapter of The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell continues to share the stories and myths of many cultures, describing the fundamental goal shared by these heroes—and us—on our journeys:

The gods and goddesses then are to be understood as embodiments and custodians of the elixir of Imperishable Being but not themselves the Ultimate in its primary state. What the hero seeks through his intercourse with them is therefore not finally themselves, but their grace, i.e., the power of their sustaining substance. (p. 155)

The goal is not to become a god or goddess-like being. On our journey we’ve learned to accept our nature, to live mindfully in the moment, and not get caught up chasing some embodiment of “perfection.” There is no “perfect” model of unschooling. Day-to-day, it looks different for everyone. But the principles of unschooling—the spirit with which unschooling is lived—is fundamentally the same. And that is what we’ve explored and absorbed on our journey.

In Campbell’s metaphor, we have journeyed to attain the grace of the gods/goddesses. Not to take it from them; it’s not a fixed commodity. But to come to understand, and therefore share, their perspective, their spirit, their outlook on life. Their grace.

And why is grace considered a sustaining substance of life? It’s not about immortality. The real prize the hero has gained is the knowledge of their indestructibility in life. It’s that understanding, deep in your bones, that you will be able to move through whatever challenges life throws at you. Grace is the compassion and kindness that comes from knowing that you will endure. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t quite see it yet.

It’s not a case of thinking that when distressing things happen it’s “for our own good” or that “we deserve them.” We don’t feel the need to place blame, which adds a distorting filter to many situations, hence we see them more clearly—more gracefully—and treat everyone involved more kindly and compassionately as we move through them.

The many trials and tribulations of our journey have prepared us for this moment, bringing us to a place where we are able to live and learn in the world with grace. It has been a lot of intense, personal work! What I love though, is that the journey starts out focused on our children, and ends up being a boon for ourselves, yet one that fully—and joyfully—includes our children in its embrace. It has also grown beyond unschooling itself into the realm of life.

Our unschooling journey will also inform any other journeys we may undertake in the future. In the last couple of years I’ve been struck by seeing other people’s journeys bring them to similar perspectives on life:

Brene Brown and her shame research.
Leo Babauta and his habits work.
Amanda Palmer and her art/music community.
Cory DeMeyers and his parkour work.

Their respective journeys have brought them a sense of grace that exudes from their writing, their speaking, and their interactions with others. Again, remember, being graceful doesn’t mean “perfect.” In fact, understanding we aren’t “perfect” is part of the journey to grace.

What does this look like day-to-day in the real world of unschooling?

It looks like family members confidently pursue learning in any of its forms, including more formal classrooms, without getting caught up in the trappings of the system. We choose to participate in the environment and take from the experience what we are interested in. We evaluate the experience against our own goals, which often includes more than just grades.

When I’m stymied trying to figure out how to come up with a plan that meets the needs of everyone involved, it looks like me openly asking my kids for their suggestions, knowing they too will consider everyone’s needs. They are full members of the family, and they often have a fresh perspective and some pretty great ideas!

And it looks like my kids bursting out laughing at the joke if I answer their question with, “Because I said so.” 🙂

Your journey

If you’re inclined to share, I’d love to hear about your journey in the comments! Here are a few questions about the “ultimate boon” stage to get you started:

1. Are there times when expectations of others are more likely to sneak up on you?

2. I find joy to be a clear beacon on my journey—I choose the next step that moves me closer. Is that your experience?

3. Who are some of the people you see living in the world with grace?

Next stage: Refusal of the Return: Will We Choose to Step Back out of Our Unschooling Bubble?

The road so far …

Departure phase of the journey
Call to adventure: We discover unschooling and excitedly imagine the possibilities.
Refusal of the call: The many implications of choosing unschooling hit. Do we commit?
Supernatural aid: Our children guide us on our unschooling journey.
Crossing of the first threshold: Confronting the guardians who claim to protect us.
The belly of the whale: Transitioning to a learning mindset.

Initiation phase of the journey
The road of trials: The heart of deschooling.
The meeting with the goddess: Seeing the value in all experiences.
Woman as the temptress: Accepting our nature.
Atonement with the father: Accepting others where they are.
Apotheosis: Moving to compassion.

Filed Under: Hero's Journey, Philosophy, Unschooling Tagged With: 2015, deschooling, life

Comments

  1. Meaghan says

    April 26, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    I love your blog! You have really helped me to gain more confidence in my unschooling journey. I have nominated you for the Real Neat Blog Awards
    http://joyfulmudpuddles.blogspot.ca/2015/04/joyful-mud-puddles-blog-award-nomination.html

    Reply
    • Pam Laricchia says

      April 29, 2015 at 6:57 am

      Thanks, Meaghan! 🙂

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Living Joyfully Network community

The Living Joyfully Network

We bring together unschooling parents to support and learn from each other as we question and explore many of the conventional beliefs around learning and parenting so that we can more gracefully navigate our personal unschooling journeys, develop strong and connected relationships with our children, and cultivate a thriving unschooling lifestyle in our families.

Learn more about the Network here!

free intro to unschooling ebook

Click the book cover to get the book from your favourite online retailer, or click the link below to join my mailing list and download the book directly!

What is Unschooling? A book about living and learning without school.

Exploring Unschooling podcast

click to listen to the archive of all Exploring Unschooling podcast episodes

Choosing to live and learn without school isn’t as intimidating as you might imagine!

The podcast archive is now home to more than 200 episodes, filled with unschooling goodness.

support the podcast on Patreon

Have you read my books?

Free-to-Learn-Cover Free-to-Live-Cover Life-Through-the-Lens-of-Unschooling-Cover Living-Joyfully-with-Unschooling-Box-Set-Cover The Unschooling Journey Libre d'Apprendre cover Libre para Aprender cover Szabadon Tanulni cover

Journey with us to a new way of seeing your child

icon-logo

Join Anne Ohman, Anna Brown, and I in our online Summit where we share the experiences, insights, and tools that we found most helpful on our unschooling journeys. We will walk with you from where you are now, to where you want to be.

Looking for something?

I've been exploring unschooling for many years now and there's a lot of content here! I've been working to tag things to help you more easily find information about the questions you're curious about right now. I'll continue to work on this.

Click a topic to explore:

college

dads

deschooling

food

grown unschoolers

learning

life

math

reading

relationships

relatives

technology

teens

work

Connect with Pam

    Glyph_Logo_png 

Welcome to Living Joyfully

Pam ... an online resource for parents wanting to live joyfully with their children through unschooling. If you're passionate about exploring the world with your children, this site is for you. I'm Pam Laricchia, the author and owner of this site. Thanks for inviting me along on your unschooling journey!

MEET A NEW UNSCHOOLING PARENT EVERY WEEK!

Pam Check out the Exploring Unschooling podcast, with more than 200 episodes in the archive.

SEARCH LIVING JOYFULLY

Living Joyfully participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and the iTunes Affiliate Program. This allows me to earn a small commission, at no cost to you. I appreciate your support!

Read my Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy.

Copyright © 2021 · Living Joyfully Enterprises

I use cookies to ensure that I give you the best experience on this website. If you continue to use this site, I will assume that you are happy with this. Thank you. OK READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT